What the?!!!!

(Jon with Josh...Kodama The Wondercat Observing)

Ok, little mommies to be...I have discovered yet another secret that the "Old-Hand" Moms have conveniently forgotten to mention. Gentlemen, you may wish to skip this blog. Nursing mothers can go from Jessica Rabbit proportions standing up to flat-tire-floppy lying down. Perhaps this is not exactly new stuff to most of you, but no one bothered to mention that if I were lying down, a bra does not seem to do the job it used to do. Now, I suppose I could get a nursing bra, but a little creative manuvering with a regular bra seems to work just fine...until we get to that whole sleep issue. (Besides, in order to obtain a nursing bra, I would have to SHOP for a nursing bra -- and I'm sorry, shopping for clothes just makes me all different kinds of cringy.) I have been forced to use a bit o' strategery (I LOVE that word!!!!!) in order to keep myself, er, in line. For the first time in twenty-two years, I have been forced to stuff my bra. Yes, Virginia...for the last several months, I snuggle into bed next to my husband with a pair of rolled up socks placed oh so flatteringly in the center of the bra-area. Do I make you horny, baby?!! No, didn't think so. Of course with the socks in play, I kinda have the front physique of a character from Total Recall (no, not the slimy stomach puppet)...Hrm, maybe you just have to be there.


I am sorry. I have not been slacking off on my blogging, but this has been an awfully short week. We began with a grand experiment on Friday...could I make it through two nights without Josh?!! Answer: Yes, but apparently, I will need sedation the next time through...and perhaps a stunt cow. After weeks of prepping -- I was in High-Elsie mode, believe me -- I was finally able to prep for Josh's extended seige, er, stay at Mom's house. Fifteen bags o'Moo, a backpack and enough clothes for a month...We had been planning to go to the Anime Punch Convention since November, and Mom and Dad had been kind enough to throw themselves on the Joshua Grenade. There wasn't going to be any doubt in my mind that Josh would have a blast. According to Mom, all he has to do is grin at his great-grandfather George, and then G.G. George wants to know where to send the pony. Oh, sure...Josh can have a pony,but can _I_ have a pony? No. I get Kodama, the "blank-blank-blank" (<--insert favorite expletives here) Wondercat -- who spends half of his life finding new ways to kill me, half of his time keeping me awake at night showing me his mouse-y prowess as he chases the shrieky fuzzballs into our bedroom and crashes into everything. Josh gets me up once a night...Koda gets me up all of the time. Stupid cat. We only keep him around for comic relief, really. Although at four in the morning, I'm not nearly as amused. Josh, at least, has a reason to be up, and once he's out, he's done for several hours. Adding to the fun is that Koda doesn't want to eat the mousies...he just wants to play with them until they are exhausted and then they become ex-mousies. I've had nightmares of Josh getting to that "everything goes into my mouth" stage, and rounding the corner to find a dead mousie between his drooly, grinning gums. Eeeewwwww!!!!!

Ah...I digressed a bit, didn't I? No, not really.

Well, while this had been a plan in the works for quite some time, and even knowing that, I was uneasy...Yes, Josh would have a blast. Yes, my mother and the cast and crew at home would be all goofy and silly and enjoying themselves -- but my hands itched. Really and truly itched, just below the first layer of skin, at the thought of Josh not being in my arms. And my arms just felt awkward and weak. Two nights without Josh? It was just too weird to contemplate. Of course, Mom said I could back out anytime, and while that was really tempting, I had something else to consider. Jon.

In the last several months, I've watched as my husband has slowly been moved to the periphery of my vision...Josh and I are the ones everyone wants to see. Every word out my mouth lately has been "Josh", or in some way Josh related. I can't seem to stop it, and while he tries to understand, for someone who was once the complete and total center of my world...the most important person in my life, it's been rather tough on him to be sidelined in such a fashion...he just feels lost. So we needed Jon and Kim time, like P.T.J. (Prior to Josh). And we needed it desperately, itchy hands or no.


So, I left Josh with Mom and the tender care of the ornery folk at home (I only sobbed hysterically for the first thirty minutes of my hour & 1/2 drive back to our house) , and Jon and I went home for the first of our nights without him. We were exhausted, and the next day was going to be early and long (Jon is a huge anime fan. I am about middle of the road, but my job at the conventions is to take pictures of the silly costumes and to let him know when it was time to go home) -- but we did our best to recreate "The Mood". Things would have gone quite well, if when I started kissing him, I hadn't had to pull three Koda hairs off of his lip. (I think they were on the pillow...I hope they had been on the pillow ---eeeeewwww!!!). Well, minor distraction, the kissing proceeded...and then, the owner of those three white Koda hairs showed up. Koda's timing is nothing short of criminally superb, and he always wants to show up when we are otherwise engaged. First he tried to jump on the bed...and was not so gently removed from the proceedings. When this failed, he tried to jump onto a nearby armchair to keep an eye on things. He failed to judge the fact that his perch was already occupied by several books and magazines that we had just put there to get them out of the way. He jumped, slipped on the magazines, fell...the magazines fell on top of him...Jon and I just looked at each other. Jon gallantly got up, and escorted Koda outside of the room, where Jon then shut the door, and we tried to pick up where we had left off. Tried.

MRRRrrrrOOOOOOOWWWWWW?!!! MRRRrrrrOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! scratch.
MRRRrrrrOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! scratch. scratch.
MRRRrrrrOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! scratch. scratch. THUD!!!!
MRRRrrrrOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! scratch.
MRRRrrrrOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! scratch. scratch. THUD!!!!

Oh yes, it was charming. Yowling and clawing and throwing himself -- all twelve pounds of himself --at the door, Koda demanded to be allowed to rescue me from the evil husband.

We couldn't help it. We began to laugh...and laugh... and cry. It would seem that since our primary birth control method had not worked all that well the last time around, that we now had a living, breathing, yowling alternative... Yippie.

Josh's visit went well. The Con was a hoot. But, Mom, the next time Josh stays with you, I'm packing the *&%# cat!!!!

(Synchronized Sleeping with Josh and Jasper)