Round Three -- GO!!!

"You know I love you like a brother, but I'm about to go all Cain on your Abel."

-- Jon to a good friend.

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There's nothing abstract about discussing biology and anatomy when you're the frog -- or at least that's my belief as of November 25th of this year. One of my routine yearly tests came back saying that I had some abnormal cells...granted it sayed I had the most minimal variation of abnormal cells, but getting that call at a little after 9 in the morning almost made me swallow my very large coffee cup with or without my coffee. Gack!! The girls just wanted to tell me that they were going to send out the bits of me that were having issues and get a further test...my breathing got under control...my urge to imbibe ceramic mugs disappeared...and I quickly squelched that initial reaction that was determined to see the Grim Reaper peaking out of every shadow...until the girls called back to say that, ahem, "Because of the holiday, the lab threw out the sample on December 11, 2008, before they got around to testing it...Oh, and we can't try the test again for three months." And a very Merry to you, too. As I wait...and try to think calming, rational, happy thoughts until we have to go through this again, I should mention Jon has not been taking the situation well at all. He's just fine at being strong and stoic, thank you...but if it comes to me or Josh, let's just say he puts on a much better front for everyone else...and I know the "Man Behind The Curtain" all too well. He's been researching for hours, calling everyone with questions, and worrying about every loose string. Those of you who are on my Christmas card list, please note that the picture I initially wanted to send was of Josh and Jon and Santa...not Josh waving by our tree -- but because I was the one taking the picture (and was not therefore IN the picture) Jon didn't want anything to potentially foreshadow anything else. He has, at least on the surface, come to some conclusions that he feels comfortable with...and has backed down from DefCon 3 to at least DefCon 4 &1/2...(though that may change dramatically should he ever get his hands on the lab rat that file-13ed my sample) and as for myself, I'm just waiting...it's what I do. I don't really have a direction to worry in...and I can't really do anything until I know something one way or the other, besides, we've had too many other things going on for me to dwell too long on that subject. And so, moving on to...

The Christmas Movie Marathon - Josh's favorite & mine --> Stephen Colbert's The Greatest Gift of All.... Oh, yes...I will be adding Stephen to my autograph collection...he WILL be mine. Love watching this guy...Yes, I know he's got killer writers, but he just seems to exude such a complete joy...it's really lovely to see someone who so obviously enjoys his work everyday. Josh has been singing Willie Nelson's "Little Dealer Boy" for days on end. I am sure that my mother will be so proud. Speaking of, a couple of disturbing phrases have entered into Josh's vocab, lately, and I'm not talking the occasional blue word. He is three years old and he seems to expect so much from himself...he wants to do everything perfectly, and gets really, really exasperated when he doesn't get little things just right on the first try...He starts saying that he isn't smart, and that he doesn't like such and such ("I don't like..." has been a consistant sentence starter for several weeks now. It's wearing on me...at this point, my response has been, "And? You don't seem to like much of anything lately, give it a shot anyhow."), that he's stupid and can't do anything. Hearing those words come from that little boy, with those earnest, believing tears in his eyes, I feel like I'm being torn in half. I usually end up almost in tears myself as I hug him and tell him that "Of course!!! You really are smart, and that you (he) shouldn't stop trying before you begin...and half of me just wants to go rabid-bear crazy on the people that have inadvertently taught him this response to a situation. Now, before you all start picking up your pitchforks and torches, I KNOW that the people who taught him this response didn't mean to do it, and didn't even realize that he was watching them that closely. We have a pretty good theory that he's picked it up from Grandma I-ene, and Aunt Helen. Our little bird women love him to death, and would never intentionally undercut him...but I think what he's picking up is how they talk about themselves. Both of them have lived rather uncomplicated...well at the very least, maybe "sheltered" lives. It isn't that they aren't smart or don't know things in their own circles, but if you throw something up that is new to them, they kind of hem and haw, and both talk themselves out of things before they give them a fair try. I have heard both of them make disparaging self-comments any number of times in front of Josh...I think Josh sees that, sponges it up, and there are so many things that he wants to do at once...when he can't accomplish them just-so, he spits back out the words he heard them say. In my conversations with Josh, I'm starting to wonder, could he actually have a photographic memory? Because what he will call me on, what he will tell me six months after the fact, is just too uncanny. If he remembers what I've said in a throwaway statement, how much more will he remember what I-ene and Helen are saying about themselves when they mean it...and when they say these things about themselves so often?

The last couple of days, all of us have been in various states of be-plague-ment...mine's trying to get down to my lungs, Jon's is in his head and throat, Josh's tends to be keeping more to his head and throat and we're trying to deter it from going into his chest. We've made friends with our Sudacare plugs, are drinking really tart orange juice and Peach Ginger Passion tea (VILE stuff, but danged effective) as expectorants, since most of the kid's cold stuff has been taken off of the shelves...and Josh had a well-baby check up that was also a cold check up. The end result of all of this is that what with the crappy weather, and our noses and throats, Josh is cagey and pulling tantrums every five minutes. Yesterday, his behavior was enough to shoot my blood pressure up, and so I vacated the room to work in the kitchen until my head stopped throbbing. Today, he tried it again, and I wasn't putting up with it. I went through the house and turned off every light and then I turned off the tv. I marched him to his room, sat him in his chair, and turned off the light in his room too. With this weather, and the blinds down, the house was a cave. Ohhhh, he hated it. He doesn't like dark, and will do anything to get the light back on...but it is effective in getting an overly-stimulated, cranked up boy to focus on my voice. "Here's the deal...either you settle down and behave nicely, or you and I will sit in the dark in this house all day and the television stays off." Well, fifteen minutes later, he was settled, he got his hug, I told him I loved him, and he was perfectly well-behaved for the rest of the day. We got to go to story time at the local library, and he made a gingerbread ornament, and got a little cake for his snack and most importantly (because it's totally taboo at home) he was allowed to play on their computer which was set up with programs for little folks. He's feeling more at ease with them now...and likely a few of the kids will be coming up after the holidays for a play date. He kept saying he didn't like making a craft...but I think, really, he was just being shy...today, he just picked things out and I glued them on where he told me. An added bonus of a Wednesday story time is that the little Amish store across the street make their incredible cinnamon rolls that day, so the last two weeks, we've been hitting them up after story time and going home with Amish Chicken Noodle soup and rolls...and it's been very pleasant. Sadly, the lady in charge is taking a break until Feb. 1st, so we're going to have to go back to our own devices for a while.

Josh's birthday didn't start smoothly...Josh was cranked up again...and Tim and Rhonda took him in for a bit so that Jon and I could get his cake (and sneak in a quick, just-the-two-of-us breakfast)...Heidi M. was going to be coming down...but it was pretty much just going to be the adult family crew up here, as I hadn't planned on a little kid party for another year or so. That changed, when a friend of Heidi's had an emergency situation, and Heidi's family ended up taking care of Michael and Lexi for the weekend. Suddenly, two kids that Josh didn't know...and that I barely knew were getting thrown into the mix, in a smallish room...with a bunch of adults attempting a much-delayed Thanksgiving festivus. I wasn't certain how things were going to go, but after the first five minutes, I realized that the kids weren't going to be a problem at all. They all chased each other through the tents and tunnels...all of them got Hawaiian Punch and sat at their table...they were great together...and I think Josh (and the rest of us) was genuinely delighted with the way the day turned out...though I do have one lingering fear now...I came home with a stash bag of toys that was twice the size of my son....(40.5", btw)...and the Wild Woman hasn't even thrown her hand into this game yet. It occurs to me that we will need to buy a bigger car before Christmas hits, or at least we should make 3 trips back and forth to get everything home on the big day. Oh, dear, indeed.

Josh's latest all-encompassing obsession has been the Nutcracker in all it's forms and glory. It began with the Waltz of the Flowers from the Classical Baby dvds, and he would try to mimic the steps and spins with a surprising amount of grace...but Ovation is doing their annual Battle of the Nutcrackers...and so we have to watch all of them....(well, almost all...I had to draw the line at Bejart's version...for that one I need an odd combination of more coffee and less sleep -- and would you believe that I haven't found ONE showing of Baryshnikov's version? When I was very, very little, Mikhail and Julie Andrews were my Christmas Heralds...he would dance and she would sing...and the two of them opened up the magic of the simple beauty of Christmastime for me...to have even one of them out of their proper place...it just seems distasteful)...and watch and re-watch and re-re-watch the "Wonderpets Save the Nutcracker" (Josh has been singing, "Tiptoe-Tiptoe-Tiptoe" for the last week to the tune of the Nutcracker Suite). He is very impressed with the Motion Picture version of the Mouse King...but not so much with the San Fran. Mouse King (fewer heads...not as freaky looking)...We have not yet partaken of the McCauley Culkin version (save me!), but it's in the queue so it's only a matter of time. According to legend, Tchaikovsky wasn't overly amused with his finished work...but Josh doesn't care...He spins, he whirls, he sings along (mostly "la-la-la's") and YES! he points his toes! Now this doesn't seem like a big deal to most of you, I get that...but I swear, if I had a nickel for every slack-footed member of all of the show choirs in all of the show choir competitions I've ever attended (and a nickel for the many times I genuinely wished for a barrel of tacks to accidentally fall on the stage just before their performances so that they would at least pick up their feet for once, I ---) well...let me just dial this down a bit and just say that this really is a good thing, and I'm very happy that he's picked it up naturally. Of course, as with all obsessions, there is a price...and this one came around ten a.m. today...when Josh broke into a hysterical screams and sobs because he wanted to "go to Clara's House...Right Now." Yeesh, this went on for about forty minutes...I tried to explain that Clara doesn't exist...Yeah, that went over well. I tried to explain that just based on his current behavior, I wasn't going to take him anywhere, much less Clara's House...no dice. I tried to tell him that Daddy had our only car with him, at work...and still the drama didn't come down...finally, I pulled rank and napped his butt. When he woke up, I tried a different tactic. "Clara's house was gone", I told him. "They took it down, and she moved...and I don't know where she lives now." Well, how else am I supposed to explain a set strike to a three year old? "But why?" he asked, tears still clinging to those insanely long lashes of his. "They made her a new house...and she didn't need her old house anymore. I'm sorry, baby." I don't know why, but this was the only answer he would finally accept. Can't say I blame him though...in the last version (the Great Performances - San Fran one), they based the house on a turn-of-the-century Victorian with gorgeous bay windows, and a spiral staircase that draped around like a wedding veil...I would have loved to have lived in that house, too.

And so we come to the end of another year. I can say that Jon and I are feeling a little more parent-y...the stunning shock and daze of the first two years is finally wearing off. We have hit some milestones...we are getting the hang of the drill...we are no longer COMPLETELY convinced that our bumbling attempts to guide Josh into adulthood will end with him on a clock tower somewhere...and that's at least a step forward. As always, my life in this house blends and merges...somewhere between hysterical laughter and equally hysterical tears...I don't know what day it is...I don't often even know what time it is...and year's end has slipped up behind me like a thief, silent and watchful. Life certainly isn't what it was once...but it's still good...and I'm slowly getting to the point where there are now an awful lot of moments in this (still-new-to-me) part of my life that I wouldn't trade for anything else in the world.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from all of us:

Jon, Kim, Josh, Koda the Wondercat, and M'OWee

As always, we thank our "Flock of Angels" for their prayers, and kind support.