Desperately Unrehearsed

"All the world's a stage, and most of us are desperately unrehearsed." - Sean O'Casey

There is an obstacle on Ninja Warrior called "The Warped Wall"...competitors are required to run up a curved wall, catch the overhanging edge at the top, and pull themselves over. Lately, my way of handling things with Josh has left me feeling like I'm running up that wall without enough momentum, and I simply haven't been able to catch that edge and move forward. Sometimes, he reminds me of that cartoon puppy that keeps hopping up at eye level -- "I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! Oh, by the way, I'm Here!" I love him...I think he's wonderful...but the last few weeks have been drama, drama, drama. So much Loud...so little actually accomplished. It was getting...no...it _was_ at the point where every question or statement from me brought on a fullout tantrum from him...and as much as I would like to say otherwise, some less than stellar loudness in my own response... Nothing was helping...everything I was doing was only making the noise louder and longer...and I knew I had to change my tactics or the only thing Josh and I would have for each other was more noise. One night, after a particularly trying episode, I sat down and sobbed out my concerns to Jon. Even though he had been stuck in the middle of the drama, he managed to have some honest, objective suggestions that helped me get my head back in the game. We've had one or two wobbly days since then, but I can honestly say that Josh and I are enjoying each other's company again. My friends gently reminded me that if he weren't so darn healthy and smart, that I wouldn't be having these problems...that I personally know of far too many little ones who are having a rougher time...and I won't say that I didn't need the reminder, but let's be real here. It's sooooo much easier to summon my inner-Pollyanna and do a blessing rundown when the noise levels are not causing my ears to bleed.


Mmmmm...can't believe that it's been so long in Your Time since my last post (time either doesn't move in my house at all, or I blink and it's the next day already). On March 21, with Josh esconced at Chez Mom for the weekend, Jon and I did the trek to Cleveland, where we witnessed two marvels in one place. Hal Holbrook....and Hal Holbrook in his one man show, MARK TWAIN TONIGHT. We were in this gorgeous old Plaza Theater...there was thick red velvet everywhere, but it hadn't faded or been rubbed away by time...Crystal and brass chandeliers, gilt gleaming to a high shine...and if that weren't enough, Hal Holbrook, in the roll he was born for, proving once and for all that Mark Twain never really died...he just stepped out to tweak his material. I remember having goosebumps as Holbrook/Twain recounted his theories on Congress...and how wickedly dead on and eerily current every quip was. Jon had told me that Mr. Holbrook has something like fifteen hours worth of material...and just shuffles through his notes, and goes off on whatever topic suits his fancy. I thought it kind of fascinating the way the stage lighting made everything glow...especially, Mr. Holbrook in his white-cream suit...to me, it seemed all the more magical...and all the more ephermeral...I hate to think what will happen when he isn't up to the challenge anymore... it would be very like the world losing Twain twice.


The hotel (The Wyndam) was beautiful...all marble, and mirrors and warm light...but it felt very much like the rest of the city...kind of distant...and a little depressing. Our hotel was located in the banking district...and all of the banks seemed to be closed...and the whole area was under construction so there wasn't much traffic....It was just blocks and blocks of mostly empty buildings and I felt like we were wandering around a ghost town... Thanks to Rick and Toni, we had the option of checking out the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame...and discovered to our bemusement, that we were much taller than most of the people who had been inducted into it. I'm fairly certain that I have bigger feet than Elvis Presley. There's something perversely amusing in knowing that all of these Great-Big-Gobs-of-Talent on Stage are, in reality, little, itty, bitty, teeny, weeny people... If the models of Madonna's clothes are to be believed, she may actually be the size of Tinker Bell. So how 'bout 'THEM' "Happy Thoughts"?


The next day was another fascinating experience, as Jon and I trekked to the wilds of the Cleveland Zoo, which was another "hidden-in-the-city-zoo (like Cincinatti's)...Unlike Cincy, the city intruded here...We were very concerned when we arrived, because it seemed like the majority of the park was under massive construction -- the elephant area was nothing but large chunks of rubble. There were huge cranes and diggers and bulldozers at every turn, and the naked skeletal structures of an in-progress overpass marched through the park, like an invading steel army. There were "Pardon Our Mess" signs at every turn...and initially, when we saw more destruction than wildlife we very much feared that the poor little zoo had simply folded up and surrendered. The first animals we saw seemed to share our unease...they were a dozen or so flamingos in what looked like a small shed with a viewing windows....their normal pond wasn't open (either to protect them from the cold, or the stress of the construction)...and I know they are birds, but their expressions reminded me more of cats with a bad taste in their mouths. At the next exhibit, a small avary, we were disconcerted to see several turkey vultures perched like noir-thugs all over the netting, glaring down the smaller birds. What we did NOT discover until we actually followed the path through the zoo that the bulk of the first section was built on and around a very steep hill -- you actually have to walk with your body leaning forward at a deep-ish angle, while your toes angle up --> awkward. Jon's been exercising more, and he's not going to be defeated by anything so silly as a hill...so he was marching up with gusto. _I_ had not been exercising...and I was seeing spots and gasping loudly within the first twenty feet. After that, I made my way up Cleveland's K-2 by sheer bullheadedness (Like bloody hell I was going to die on a date weekend! Aw, Heh-yall No!), and much cussing about the landscapers of the zoo, the obnoxious cheerfulness of my husband who was bobbing along ahead of me, and my own foolishness, I rounded the last corner...and came face to face with an actual Snow Leopard. The rarest cat in the world...and I got to see her, sleek, relaxed...and right in front of me. And then, things got magical...The next building contained a small aquarium...and Jon and I watched in utter fascination. There was a dragon eel, white, beautiful...shy, but daring the hordes of tourists to try something. He felt better hiding from the crowds, but I found that if I dangled my camera strap in front, near where his face would be, he would come out, puffed and threatening, and hoping very much that the black twisting thing on the other side of the glass was brunch. I was so successful at getting his attention that I plan to use this tactic whenever I am trying to photograph fish. Cleveland Zoo ( http://www.clemetzoo.com/tour/ ) has a lot to offer...but not a great deal of space to offer it in, so the aquarium was also the primate house. I was ecstatic from seeing the snow leopard up close, and barely noticed as we made our way back down the evil hill...The Kangaroo section was closed...something we noticed with a sigh as we had first encountered the hill. However, nobody told that to the kangas, and as we plodded back down, from our elevated angle we could see six of them racing each other along the fence...and then we realized...we got here when it was morning which meant we got here when they were being fed! WHICH MEANT we got here _when_all_the_animals_were active!!! And active ain't the half of it. Because the zoo is set up on a couple of hills (none of the rest were as awful as that first, thankfully), we would literally round a corner and practically come face to face with an animal. When we saw the rhinos, at one point, there was a distance of about three feet between me and the baby rhinocerous -- I mean we were "this close" on nearly every exhibit. We startled zebras, and several giraffes thought, (because you have to take the hills at a rather determined clip to get up them) that we were threats to their little ones, and actually acted as though they were going to charge us back down the hill. The lion exhibit is right beside the primary food pavilion, so as people toddled about with their little pizzas and cokes, the male was roaring out his challenge to all-comers...or maybe he was merely suggesting for twenty minutes that some of his guests should throw a little 'za his way.


One of the neatest experiences of late has been Josh's first real Easter. Sandy, one of Jon's co-workers, was kind enough to tip us off to a pre-easter-egg-hunt, and we made it just in time for him to make the mad dash across the hospital lawn, and he ended up with about fourteen candy-filled eggs (yeah...he needs more candy, especially since he still has a large chunk of his Halloween haul -- what can I say, we don't let him go crazy on candy...). This was VERY exciting. Eggs are the most fun thing to play with (so sayeth the Joshling), and eggs with candy?, well, hold him back. What was even more exciting was that as we climbed back into the car, I discovered a note I had left myself (and of course, promptly lost) telling me about yet ANOTHER egg hunt that afternoon. For a canned good donation, Josh could hunt for more candy-filled eggs (Oh, Rapture!), get a cupcake, get a free toy souvenir, and wait for it -- a free game of bowling! His picture actually made it into the paper twice...and I got quoted...(but mine was a blurb confessing that while he thought the eggs were pretty cool, he really wanted to be on the lanes). What a hoot! Three frames in, the four other kids he was playing with had to leave...and when we asked the powers that be, they said "Just Let Him Play"....and play he did. In the end, after playing what amounted to five free games with a six pound ball, his personal total was 56, and he had brought all of the absent players up above 50 points. He couldn't have been more delighted if he were Jon at Disney!


Easter was very quiet this year. Just the immediates, and A.J, a friend of the boys, and the neighbors... Josh and I trekked down for some hangin' out time with the wild woman, and Jon opted for a solo venture at home. Last year, he had been violently ill (a really rough gastroenteritis attack) at Easter, but as the day progressed, things started behaving themselves, and he started felt better, and he discovered that he really enjoyed having the house to himself. From that point on, he declared Easter a National Jon Day, dedicated soley to National Jon Day Pursuits... whatever those might happen to be (I didn't ask). He doesn't take time for his own enjoyments, and he's _always_ spending his free time with Josh and I, so I certainly wasn't going to begrudge him. Can't say Mom was overly happy about it all, (I'm afraid this is another dent in her Walton-dream), but this really seems to be the only thing that Jon will request for himself. Even so, she was kind enough to offer to send home half of Gram's butterscotch pie...which would have been soooo wonderful, and we would have feasted happily on pie and coffee for breakfast for the next week...but by that point in the evening, the custard wasn't stable enough to travel. Jon's eyes lit up when I told him about the pie...and then they fell when I told him that it remained elsewhere. For every Jon Day, some pie must fall. Josh, however, did not end the day on anything near a down note. The Easter Bunny really must think he's somethin' else, because there were not one, not two, but four baskets for him (and a fifth he doesn't know about yet) AND another Easter egg hunt just for him. Because, as I have already stated, what that kid really needs is more sugar.


One of the more unusual items to cross the threshold lately is a Wii Fit...which is exactly 50% snark and aggro...and 50% OMG, that is SOOOOO CUTE! We've kind of been fretting about our health (and we're always on the look out for another outlet for Josh's endless energy), and I promised (Why, oh why did I promise?!!) that if we got the game, I would use it. So every day, I get on the little step and go through a few yoga exercises, most of the balance exericises (to help my posture and my core muscles), and then the aerobics exercises. We've set it up so that you can see everyone's scores, so the challenge of course is to beat the pants off them...(I have succeeded in beating off the occassional pair of socks)...and try to one up them. For every few minutes, or every noticable effort, you get to unlock a different aspect of the game. Every day starts out with a body test, where you check your balance and stability, and that part ends with GINORMOUS numbers falling from the sky onto your character. Josh thinks this is has got to be the funniest thing in the entire world, and is still laughing hysterically a good ten minutes after the fact. In the course of one week, I have discovered a few things. One -- I hate exercising. I really, really _hate_ exercising with a passion akin to insanity (Dull Surprise! And now that you've recovered from that shock -->) Two - the step board is very narrow, and very small...it should be bigger and longer for best results. Three - Exercising with a toddler tackling your knees and ankles and keeping up a speed of light commentary seems to make things more difficult than they have to be. Four -- making the toddler help by having him stand to one side while I put in my ear buds makes things a little easier...and raises my mood level from ticked and annoyed to a passing semblance of perkiness and vague amusement at the exercising process as a whole. Five -- You will be amazed at how good you feel exercising to the Indiana Jones Theme Song, Video Killed the Radio Star, and Walking on Sunshine. Six -- You will be amazed at how uncomfortable the flat, unforgiving step board is when you have a severe case of tarsal tunnel (nothing so refreshing as bones crunchin' down on nerves!) in both feet. I've taken more advil for my feet than for my aching muscles. Seven - the game designers are twisted, evil people who have managed to input JUST enough humor to keep you from smashing the dang thing to bits. I am equally "in loathe" and amused with this taunting beastie...and I think I actually have lost a few pounds this week. It just occurred to me that this durfy machine has broken The-Second-Greatest-End-All-Be-All-Rule-Of-The-House, to wit: NEVER ENCOURAGE THE GRINNING DADDY.

It has not, however, broken The-First-Greatest-End-All-Be-All-Rule-Of-The-House, and so I can still sleep soundly at night.What is it? You really want to know? It's very simple.
Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER! For any reason. For Any ANYTHING! NEVER ENCOURAGE THE GRINNING DADDY'S GRINNING DADDY. Just trust me.


I'm sure more than that has happened in the last few months., but it's late, and my brain is melting. The big news is that I've set a goal for myself of writing eighty or more poems in the next three months. Apparently, poetry is an easier sell to publishers than short stories right now, and they usually require at least eighty poems for a manuscript, and I already have twenty of my latest/best ones ready to go. I may try to publish my blog excerpts at a different time (but if you like one of these posts, please give me a head's up so I know which posts to focus on). I've also found out about a new service from AMAZON called "www.CreateSpace.Com" that lets you publish on demand. Unlike the run of the mill vanity presses, I can make up as many or as few books as I like, for a very reasonable cost. Because it's through Amazon, my book(s?) would also be listed and available for sale on their site. I'm pretty psyched about this project...and I hope to have it done by Christmas (brain permitting). For a taste of what's to come, please check out my TOUCH OF WRITER'S BLOG link on the top right of this page. I want to thank Teresa, Rita, and Heidi H. for really lighting the fire under me of late...it's been a big help - please! keep it up.


Oh, gosh, I can't believe I almost forgot! Our frogs have come back...Spring is officially here! YAY!